


Like I Loved You

by turningthepages



Series: Sleep Without You [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Best Friends, Bottom Dean, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Marriage, Married Life, Mild Smut, References to Depression, Top Castiel, team switch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 23:04:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13646304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningthepages/pseuds/turningthepages
Summary: They all knew Meg was at that annoying state of drunk where she’d be downright persistent until she got what she wanted. Dean had to answer or else there wouldn’t be an end to it. “I don’t even know? Uh, I guess we’d still be friends and like hangout and everything still. Don’t you think, baby?”Cas looked up at his husband as if he’d grown two heads. “If we broke up you think we’d still be friends?”“Well yeah.”“No. That’s not even remotely true.”Please readSleep Without YouandIn Case You Didn't Knowfirst!





	Like I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you haven't read [Sleep Without You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10775289/chapters/23899212) or [In Case You Didn't Know](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11361432) please read those first. 
> 
> To all of those who've already read them, I did make a few minor changes to those works. I fixed a few choppy parts I was never really happy with and added a few things here and there. It did not change the story or outcomes but I felt the works needed a good once over. 
> 
> Thank you for choosing to read this as well. :) I love you all!

“Do you ever think Dean’s going to get bored with you?” 

Castiel liked to think that after being friends with the people he’d chosen to be friends with after all these years, he couldn’t be caught off guard by their antics anymore. 

No, now it didn’t phase him when Charlie managed to schmooze her way into getting into the pants of a seemingly straight woman at the bar. He didn’t bat an eye when Jo would pretend to flirt with some guys at the pool table in order to hustle them out of hundreds of dollars. It didn’t catch him off guard when Victor and Benny would ask invasive questions about his and Dean’s sex lives just to watch the way Dean would blush beat red. Really, nothing about his circle of friends made him so much as twitch until this very moment. 

He could say that he wasn’t caught off guard so much as he was astonished by the frankness of the question. He could also go as far as to say that he since Meg Masters wasn’t technically part of his circle of friends—though she and her boyfriend Crowley had been spending more time with said group of friends lately—that it didn’t exactly count towards Castiel’s inability to be startled by his friends’ doings. 

Still, by the way he knew his mouth was actually gaping as he looked at Meg, he was definitely caught off guard. 

“Uh. What? Why? What? No!” It was hard to believe at this very moment that he was indeed a twelfth grade history teacher. 

“Really?” 

Castiel stared at Meg for a while, wondering if she may have suffered from some blunt force trauma to the head. He’d known her now for going on two years when she’d started teaching chemistry at his same school (it had taken him a while to accept his degree in Philosophy wasn’t actually panning out to what he’d expected and therefore managed to turn his history minor into a teaching career). Knowing her for this long meant he had permission to be completely blunt and ask her if she were an idiot… but he tried to retain some decorum. 

“You do know that we’ve been married six years?” He narrowed his eyes at her deep rounded features. “And that we’ve practically been together since we were six? I’m under the assumption that since he hasn’t gotten bored yet, chances are he won’t anytime soon.” 

“No, I know.” She replied with an eye roll. “But like… didn’t you say that before you two finally got together he was a massive ladies’ man? And you’ve only been _together_ together for ten-ish years. Don’t you think he could change his mind someday? 

“Why are you even asking this?” 

“I’m really just curious. What would even happen if you two broke up?” 

It’d been a long time since Castiel had let such a negative thought cross his mind. Back when he could still keep count of each kiss, there had been fear of not being able to keep Dean for long. Cas had wonder if the novelty of dating his best friend would wear off and Dean would realize the mistake he’d made and take it all back. Every morning that Dean would wake Castiel up with kisses and each time he’d tell Cas how much he loved him, the doubt would fade until, before he knew it, there was none. Dean loved him, truly. 

“We wont. Ever.” 

“I know, but like… what if?” 

“What if nothing. It just wont happen.” He gave Meg a curious look, as if willing her to explain her bizarre choice of question but before he could question it further, her attention turned back to Crowley who’d brought the first round over. 

They were expecting their normal group for the night since it’d been nearly six months since they’d all been in the same place at the same time. Meg and Cas had gotten there roughly an hour ago—always first since they worked close by—and it would only be another ten minutes before the rest of them would start to trickle in. He sat for a while, as Crowley and Meg talked, stewing over the mental image that Meg had just put in his mind. 

When he had first been fearful that his and Dean’s relationship wouldn’t last, he’d just thought they’d be able to go back to normal. Of course Cas would have been heartbroken and they would have had to rewrite the ‘normal’ in their friendship again but Castiel knew then that they’d make their friendship work. Now though? Now there were years of marriage behind them, not only the love and trust and incredible memories but the hardships and arguments and times of turmoil that every relationship goes through. They’d built their lives so solidly around each other that Castiel couldn’t fathom an answer to Meg’s question. He just knew, with all his power he’d never let Dean Winchester get away from him. That thought settled him for the time being.

One by one their friends started arriving and the bar grew steadily more crowded. It was great seeing their faces again even if it had only been a few weeks that he’d seen some of them. In their late teens to young twenties none of them thought, even for a second, that there would come a time when life became too hectic to take time out for friends. Now, finding the occasional day to all be in one place felt like a huge feat. 

After their initial greetings, Benny and Andrea starting chatting Charlie’s ear off at the far end of the table about how baby Benny was already crawling. Ash and Kevin were next to them sitting shoulder to shoulder over a tablet still talking work having just launched another app together on something Castiel was failing to remember. The only other person who’d arrive was Pamela.

She’d made a beeline straight for Cas and had pulled him into a spine-crushing hug telling him immediately: “Everything you’ve been praying for is about to happen for you. Keep your heart strong.” He tried to keep himself collected but in truth, he could almost weep from those words having needed to hear them for what felt like months now because… well in all honesty he and Dean had been going through a bit of a rough time. He was trying with all his might to be optimistic but with each passing week it was getting harder. 

Jo arrived and quickly hugged Cas before jumping into conversation with Charlie and company. Others were there too like Garth and his wife Bess, socializing away, but Cas’s heart just wasn’t really in it. He was impatiently waiting for his husband to be by his side so that he could deflect any unwanted attention away to Dean. 

It’s not that Castiel didn’t love his friends and enjoy being around them, he just didn’t feel completely himself and hadn’t for a while. He was trying to push past it all and pull himself out of the funk he’d been in but it was harder than he’d expected. Every time he’d try he just felt himself falling back into a pit. 

Two years ago, four years into their marriage, he and Dean had decided they wanted to start a family. They knew, realistically, it wouldn’t be easy for two gay men to bring children into their life so they’d wasted no time in applying for adoption and praying that they’d hear something eventually. Less than a year later they’d been contacted—a young woman who claimed she was in no way ready to be a mother. They’d gone to every single appointment, had the nursery ready to go, knew exactly what they were going to name their baby girl but it’d all been for not. Lydia, the young woman, decided at the hospital that she couldn’t go through with the adoption and Dean and Cas never got to take their baby home. 

It had been devastating for both of them. Dean closed himself off immediately, refusing to even acknowledge what had happened while Castiel crumbled. He blamed himself for even putting them in that situation to begin, for wanting a child so badly and for allowing himself to get so hopeful just to be burned so bad—he hated himself for not being able to give Dean a family like his husband so deserved. 

Each month that passed got easier to accept what had happened, yet still managed to remind Castiel that he wasn’t a father. It had been six months, three weeks, and two days since. The agency had been immensely sorry but they’d explained that sometimes birth mothers just change their minds. Still, even with broken hearts, he and Dean were hopeful that the agency would pair them with another potential baby or birth mother. 

The longer it took though, the more he couldn’t help but think that really, what it came down to was that no one wanted him to raise their child—that there was something so inexplicably wrong with him that they’d brushed his and Dean’s file aside without a second glance. He new it was stupid to even have those thoughts but that nagging voice inside of him just wouldn’t shut up. He was talking to someone the agency had referred him to but some days were just definitely better than others. 

He sipped at his warm beer and watched as Benny and Andrea showed a video of baby Benny and their daughter Charlotte playing on the bed. He tried to ignore the pang that went through his chest when he realized that baby Benny was born only a month after his and Dean’s baby girl…. He forced a smile to stay on his face for his friends’ sake. He ooed and awed at just the right moments that not even Pamela commented on it. 

It made him so inexplicably sad to think about how Dean didn’t get to have that same look of pride in his eyes, the way Benny talked about his kids. Both Dean and Benny had been so excited to have kids born at the same time. Cas even knew that Dean had been going to Benny, getting his advice and learning everything he possibly could from his good friend about parenthood. God, how Cas just wanted Dean to have this… 

Some things were not meant to be, he figured. 

The door jingled open for what was probably the hundredth time in the past thirty minutes but this time Cas sighed in relief when he caught sight of his husband trailing behind Victor. He waited patiently as Dean went about hugging the friends they hadn’t seen in the past few months before he made his way over to Cas for a quick kiss. 

“Hey baby.” 

“Hi.” Cas smiled. 

“Day okay?” 

“It was.” He said with a small nod. 

“Want another?” Dean asked, gesturing to Cas’s half full glass. 

“Yes, this one’s warm.” 

There was a tiredness in Dean’s eyes that hadn’t always been there but he was still as handsome as ever. The soft lines at the corners were more pronounced when he laughed now but it just added to his charm. He didn’t think he’d ever get enough of just looking at the man he got to call his. Dean smiled warmly down at Cas before announcing that he’d be right back so Castiel turned and greeted Victor even though it’d only been a few days since he’d seen the other man. With him and Dean working as partners it wasn’t uncommon for the other man to be at their home a few times a week. He and Vic talked for only a few minutes before Dean was back with a pitcher of beer and a few glasses. 

He immediately must have sensed something was wrong when he’d entered the bar but was waiting until everyone’s attention was back on their conversation before he settled down next to Cas on the stool and whispered, “You okay?” 

“Mhm.” 

Dean’s lips fused into discontent leaving the cutest dimpled on his cheeks. He didn’t like when Cas pretended he was fine but he knew Cas was doing the best he could. “One of those days?” 

“Yeah.” Cas confirmed still pushing a fake smile on. 

“I’m here.” 

It was stated so simply but it made Castiel feel everything. Dean was first and foremost his best friend, the one person in the world he knew he could lean on entirely, who would catch him no matter how far he fell. He was a lucky, lucky man. He kissed Dean in lieu of tearing up then shifted a little in his seat to join the rest of the group in conversation. It’d been a few years since Castiel felt the adjective ‘clingy’ described him, but tonight when Dean stood up from his chair to presumably wander off to talk to the other end of the table Castiel instinctively hooked his finger into Dean’s belt loop. 

It took only a moment of silent conversation for Dean to slip his arm around Cas’s waist and press a few soft kisses behind his ear. 

They were still good, he and Dean. Due their grief it had taken them a while to realize how badly they needed to lean on each other instead of pulling away. Castiel knew that Dean had taken it hard, perhaps harder than Cas himself had but Dean had still been his rock, reassuring Castiel day in and day out that they were meant to have a family. No matter how long it took. Every day he proved more and more how wonderful of a man and husband he was because despite struggling to cope with their loss, as his therapist called it; Dean still held Castiel up when he needed it. 

He didn’t leave Cas’s side for that night, simply calling people over to their side of the table so that he could keep a reassuring hand on Cas. 

Currently Dean was talking to Victor when Jo came over and sat down across from them. She’d been talking to Ash for a while but now her attention was on the two cops. “You two find any leads on the fraud brothers?” 

Vic and Dean had been working to find two brothers who were wanted for credit card fraud. It’d been a pain in both their asses to have the men evading them at every turn. They’d thought they found something this week but apparently it didn’t pan out. “Nope. They’ve been radio silent for a while now.” Vic grumbled. “They’re bound to mess up soon.” 

“You’ll catch ‘em.” 

“We better. Assholes are sneaky though.” Dean commented. Jo shook her head in understanding and Cas’s husband took that as an opportunity to talk directly to her. “How you feeling Jo?” 

“Fine? Why?” 

“Just wondering.” Dean said with, making sure she caught his mischievous wink at the end. 

Suddenly Jo’s wide brown eyes narrowed in Victor’s direction. She kept her voice low to not key the other members of their group into their conversation but she was downright lethal in her whispered words to Vic. “You told them?” 

“I couldn’t help myself… he’s my partner!” Victor, for his part did look incredibly guilty. He glared half-heartedly at Dean and Cas who both shrugged innocently. The man in question had let it slip a few days ago that he and Jo were unexpectedly expecting and of course Dean wasn’t going to be able to not bring it up to his pseudo-sister. 

“Dumbass.” Jo said with a punch to Victor’s arm. “I told you we aren’t telling! You two, zip it. Okay?” 

“You can trust us.” Castiel ensured. He steadfastly tried to ignore the envy that tore though him at the thought of another one of his friends getting to become a parent when he couldn’t. This was not the time to throw a pity party for himself though. 

Victor and Jo shared a silent look, and Castiel could only assume it was a mutual look of ‘what do we do when everyone finds out?’ Only the night before Cas and Dean had talked about when the news would inevitably break within their group. They knew it would undoubtedly cause a wave of uncertainty for how everyone should react. Victor and Jo had been the epitome of on again off again for a few years now and no one really knew what their status was. They were good together though, civil even on their ‘off’ times so Cas could see them working well as co-parents. But he’d pay good money to be a fly on the wall when Jo’s mother found out about the baby. That woman could put the fear of god even in the burliest of men. 

Looking like she desperately wanted to steer the conversation away from her impending motherhood, Jo turned back to Cas and Dean. “Any… any news for you two?” She asked, genuinely wondering about the status of their adoption journey. 

“No. Nothing yet.” Dean confirmed sounding a degree of casual that only Cas knew meant he was holding back the sting. 

Victor frowned in solidarity. “It’ll happen.” 

“Yeah.” Cas answered shortly. Wanting desperately to get away from this particular discussion, Cas looked around the table hoping to get Charlie’s bubby spirit to talk about _anything_ else. Before he could call her over Meg suddenly interrupted from a few seats down. 

“Hey Dean, I got a question for you!” She sounded like she’d had quite a few to drink, so whatever she was about to ask was probably going to be highly inappropriate. Dean groaned at Cas’s side, he never really did come around to liking her but he tolerated her for Cas’s sake. “What would happen if you and Cas broke up?” She asked bluntly.

There were quite a few head turns from their friends as they all stared at her in disbelief. 

“That would literally only happen over my dead body,” Dean grumbled, he tried to sound light hearted by adding: “but even then I’m pretty sure if one of us goes the other goes too.” 

“Come on! But what if?!” Meg pleaded. 

“Why are you asking me this?” 

“Because I asked Castiel earlier and he refused to even humor me.” 

Dean squeezed Cas’s waist protectively, as he were trying to shield Cas from Meg’s question. “That’s because he knows as well as I do that it’s not possible.” 

“I just think it’s interesting. You two are practically conjoined. Just, what if you weren’t anymore?” 

“Whoa hey! We don’t talk about that!” Jo cut in. She looked more peeved than Cas expected her to. 

“Why not?” 

“Because it’s like imagining if your parents got a divorce.” Benny suddenly said from a few seats down. Cas sent the big man a genuine smile. 

“Well mine did get a divorce…” Meg commented, as if that explained her bizarre question. Everyone just looked at her with confusion. “You all know what I mean. I bet you’ve all at least thought about it at some point though, right? Don’t tell me you haven’t wondered how everything would play out if they weren’t together anymore. Dean… you’ve got to have some idea what you’d both do.” 

“I guess… Shit.” Cas could hear the exasperation in Dean’s voice. They all knew Meg was at that annoying state of drunk where she’d be downright persistent until she got what she wanted. Dean had to answer or else there wouldn’t be an end to it. “I don’t even know? Uh, I guess we’d still be friends and like hangout and everything still. Don’t you think, baby?”

Cas looked up at his husband as if he’d grown two heads. “If we broke up you think we’d still be friends?” 

“Well yeah.” 

“No. That’s not even remotely true.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Dean, if we broke up I wouldn’t be able to remain friends with you.” It seemed plain to him but Dean looked shocked by Cas’s assessment. 

“What? We’ve been friends our whole lives. I couldn’t just not have you in my life. Even if by some freak turn of fate you and I didn’t last—I couldn’t just not ever talk to you again.” 

Why were they even entertaining this? It was stupid. There was literally no reason to talk about something so impossible. “Well, it’s a good thing that it’s never going to happen.” Cas asserted, ending this ridiculous topic of conversation. 

“Damn right.” Dean exclaimed with a dramatic kiss to Cas’s lips. Meg just booed and said they were boring. 

None of them really lasted long after that, what with being responsible adults who now went to bed at reasonable hours even on the weekends. It was sad to part ways though and even when they all promised they wouldn’t wait so long to all get back together, there seemed to be an underlying understanding that life would probably get in the way of their good intentions. Growing up sucked. They all hugged and said their goodbyes before separating into their vehicles and making their way home. 

Castiel could say with certainty he was relieved to be back home. Though he’d had fun and enjoyed seeing them all, he still had to accept that a large part of himself felt like he wanted to just curl up in a ball and sleep for the weekend. 

As he and Dean stripped out of the days clothes and shrugged on their pajamas Dean was the one to bring up the events of the night. “What the fuck was Meg even going on about tonight? Why was she so interested in you and me breaking up?” 

“I’ve no idea.” Cas answered honestly because really, he couldn’t figure it out for himself. 

“Then you going and thinking we wouldn’t even be friends after. What was that?” Dean’s tone was cheerful as if he thought Cas had just been messing with him with his answer. 

He stopped with his attempt and putting on a t-shirt and looked at his husband. “You’re joking right?” 

“No?” 

“Dean, what? You think after six years of marriage, our years of dating, _on top_ of the two decade long friendship that we could just be okay if we got divorced? Could still just hang out on the weekends like best buds again?” 

For his part Dean did seem to have a bit of a revelation when Cas spelled it out like that. But still, he had to prove to be as stubborn as ever. “Well, I mean, it wouldn’t be easy, but we couldn’t just not be in each other’s lives anymore.” 

“Oh?” Cas laughed a bit of bitterness in his tone. “So you just think that we’d be fine being around each other, watching the other person move on with their lives? And eventually when you decide to really move on and start dating, you think I could still be your friend? Watching you fall in love with someone else?” 

“Whoa, hold up!” Dean had all but forgone putting on pajama pants and a t-shirt so he stood with his hands on his hips in just his boxers, glaring at Cas from across the bed. “How come I’m the one who’s moving on in this scenario, wouldn’t you be moving on too?” 

“Please.” Cas scoffed, turning back around to put his shirt on.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” 

“You’re the one who’s been with other people. Several, if I remember correctly.” 

“What’s _that_ suppose to mean?” Dean asked louder this time, an edge of irritation finally sinking into his voice. 

Cas gave up on putting on his shirt and threw it on top of his dresser. He was suddenly very annoyed with Dean for thinking that everything would be all rainbows and sunshine if they ever split up. Leave it to his husband to just pretend like nothing was really wrong—as always! Was Cas the only one who would be completely fucking devastated beyond reason if they split up? 

Right now it felt like it. 

He mirrored Dean’s stance and glared in the direction of the other man, but couldn’t fully meet his eyes. “I just mean you know what it’s like to be with other people, and my few months with Balthazar in high school _don’t_ count.” He pointed out quickly, before Dean could argue. “It’s just not unrealistic to believe that you wouldn’t have as hard of a time moving on if we ever did separate.” 

“Is that what you think?” He knew by the way Dean’s voice suddenly fell that he’d struck a chord and upset him. Cas had to prove his point though if only for Dean to see that there would be no plausible way they could be friends after breaking up. 

“It’s true. Out of the two of us, you’d definitely be the one who could come out the other side, maybe have another shot at love again—and finally getting a family. I couldn’t just sit back, be your friend again and just… and just watch you like that. Watch you move on.” 

He could feel Dean’s eyes on him in the silence between them. Could his husband not see how heartbreaking it would be to try and keep a friendship going after breaking up? Did Dean really not love him as deeply as Cas though that he’d just be fine if he weren’t with Cas anymore? Was that really what it came down to? 

Cas felt his hands start to tremble at his sides. 

“Because I know this is all just hypothetical and I _know_ you don’t actually believe there is any possibility you’d ever get rid of me… and because I think something much deeper is hurting you right now… I’m going to refrain from getting really, _really_ pissed at you.” 

“Dean…” Cas finally turned his chin enough to see Dean and watched from his side of the bed as his husband circled around to him. 

“No, you listen to me Castiel Winchester.” Dean cut him off. He stood a safe enough distance away for Castiel to decide if he even wanted to be close to the other man. Cas could see the look of hurt in Dean’s eyes as the man spoke with passion. “Maybe you’re right. No, you _are_ right. If we ever did break up, we couldn’t be friends. There’s no chance in hell that I could be your friend because I wouldn’t even be remotely capable of pulling myself together enough to act like I were anything more than an empty shell of a man if I lost you. I said what I said at the bar because up until today there has never been even a millisecond that I’ve thought about what my life would be like if I didn’t have you anymore. I can’t even entertain the idea of us breaking up because the thought of you not being with me makes me physically ache. 

“So no, I don’t actually think I could ever be your friend if we broke up. I don’t ever think we could hang out on the weekends and pretend like we didn’t build our entire freaking lives around each other. And so what if I know what it’s like to be with someone who isn’t you? I’ve told you this before and I’ll tell you this again: no one has ever or will ever compare to you. I hate that there was a time when I was such a fucking idiot! I hate that I even have to think of that time when no one else smelled right, held me right, or fucking _breathed_ right when you were literally right there, already in my arms just waiting for me to stop being such a dumbass. 

“Cas, from the moment I first kissed you I knew that was it. You were it for me. You _are_ it for me. There’s never going to be a me without you. You are my family, no matter what life throws at us, _you_ are my family. So we’re going to drop this ridiculous ‘what if we broke up’ situation because it’s never, ever, going to happen. I told you before, you’re stuck with me till death and I’m pretty sure I’m going to live until I’m 110—just to spite you. Capiche?” 

All the negative thoughts that had been clawing at Cas’s heart since Meg opened her damn mouth were suddenly quieted. Castiel stood there in utter astonishment, silently thanking God for sending him Dean Winchester. “Yeah, I capiche.” He whispered back, feeling a few traitorous tears trying to escape. 

“Good.” Dean responded equally as emotional. “Now get over here and kiss me.” 

In a few long bounds Castiel was throwing himself into his man’s arms, wrapping his own so tightly that there was hardly any space between them. Dean always kissed like it was going to be their last, not that Cas was complaining because Dean’s kisses never failed to make him feel so undeniably wanted. And right now, even though Dean had just poured his heart out, this was how Castiel knew—by the insistence of Dean’s lips, and the strength of his arms as he pulled Cas against his body—how deeply, truly loved he was. 

Dean turned them just enough that the back of Cas’s legs hit the bed and suddenly Cas had all six feet of his lover straddling his lap. With a thump his back hit the bed and Dean’s mouth attacked his once more. It was all a little desperate as if Dean was running out of time to prove to Cas how badly he needed him. Cas felt a burning fire under his skin. 

He yanked Dean’s head back by his hair and latched on to his neck, then his shoulder, and his collarbone. He needed to taste every inch of skin he could get. He let his hands rake down Dean’s back until they came to his ass, pulling out a moan from Dean’s throat as Cas squeezed. Dean was panting now, rolling his hips down to meet Cas’s own, showing just how effected he was only from their kisses. 

“You know what you haven’t done in a while?” 

“Tell me.” Cas asked breathlessly, his lips grazing Dean’s with each syllable. 

“Fucked me.” 

Heat blossomed in Cas’s abdomen immediately. It wasn’t often that Cas topped, only purely because Cas couldn’t get enough of Dean and Dean seemed unable to get enough of him either. He’d wanted it, craved it really, when they’d first gotten together. In all honesty he just wanted Dean in every single way he could have him but he’d been too afraid to ask. Part of him thought Dean might not want him in that way or would be disgusted if Cas ever brought it up. But his insecurities had been for not when Dean expressed his interest in switching the night of their engagement. And Castiel, well he could hardly deny his man anything and jumped at the occasion—doing everything in his power to make it as good for Dean as possible. It’s a night Cas often finds himself drifting back to, remembering the oneness he felt with Dean, being able share something they’d never shared with anyone else. 

He was all too eager to feel that way again as he manhandled Dean onto his back, wasting no time in ripping his husband’s boxers away and wrapping his hand around that perfect cock. His own twitched in response as Dean’s back arched off the bed. Cas always was the more aggressive lover between the two of them where Dean always wanted it slow and tender but Cas couldn’t help but crave the frantic primal side of their lovemaking. 

He kissed and bit all down Dean’s torso, making a jagged trail to his true destination. When Dean’s pleas turned to mere whimpers Cas took pity and finally wrapped his mouth around his husband’s leaking member, feeling a zing all the way to his toes when Dean choked out a pleased sob. He let Dean writhe underneath him for a while until Castiel’s own impatience got the better of him. He needed to be inside his husband—yesterday! 

Crawling his way back up the bed, kicking own boxers off as he went, he locked their lips into another heated kiss before blindly reaching out of the bottle of lube. Not letting Dean’s mouth go Cas let his slicked up fingers make their journey down Dean’s body until they were teasing at his tight ring of muscle. He took pleasure in opening his husband up, sliding one… two… three slicked up fingers in and out never letting his mouth leave Dean’s except to whisper how perfect Dean was. How fucking incredible he looked like this. How bad Castiel wanted him. Always. 

It was when Dean was shaking under him, insisting he was ready, that Castiel finally relinquished his control. As much as he currently craved throwing Dean down on the bed and plowing into him, he knew that wasn’t what Dean needed. Not today. No, Dean needed the connection—needed the slow touches and soft gazes and Castiel would never deny him those needs. 

He went pliant as Dean rolled back on top of Cas, making sure Cas was comfortable against the pillows, surrounding him with nearly all of them. The tenderness Dean possessed was something that Cas could never get over. The way he caressed Cas’s body like it were precious to him or how he’d stare at Cas with those forest green eyes like he still saw the whole world in Cas’s returned gaze. Sometimes it overwhelmed him how much Dean could love him, how someone so seemingly perfect could look at someone like Castiel and feel anything at all. But this was the life he’d been blessed with, this was the man who never failed to take care of him and love him and choose him over and over. 

Castiel pulled Dean in for another lingering kiss, sinking his tongue into his mouth and just tasting. His perfect, stunning, incredible husband allowed him the kiss for only a moment more before he pulled back, smiling his most breathtaking smile. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Castiel couldn’t help but whisper. He felt emotion flooding to the surface and had no doubt tonight might bring some tears. 

Dean smiled down at him in way of response. His husband never did take to compliments well, but he’d long since gave up outright denying them. Instead he dodged them, now taking the compliment as permission to move things along. 

He grabbed Cas’s length and stroked it a few times with a slicked hand, pulling a deep moan from Cas. A few moments of writhing later and Castiel felt himself being lined up against his man’s tight, hot entrance. The seconds ticked away as Dean teased Castiel, rubbing his cock against Dean’s opening, back and forth… never quite pushing in. 

“Please… please, Dean.” 

“Want me?” 

“Always. Need you.” 

Dean didn’t disappoint. With a stuttering breath he sank down onto Castiel slowly, taking him fully inside. “Oh, baby.” Dean choked out as he rolled his hips. 

Dean didn’t speak much after that… he never usually did. Each time he took Castiel inside himself, he simply basked in the feeling of being together. He’d told Castiel before that for him it meant everything getting to be close to Cas in a way he hadn’t before. Sharing a part of himself that he’d never dream to share with another person. 

Castiel couldn’t agree more. 

There was something mesmerizing about watching Dean like this. Slow, sensual, profound. His husband’s eyes always fell closed. His face always painted with such softness like he’d never felt so much pleasure in his life. Cas loved the way Dean’s head would lull side to side as he rose and fell, taking and taking and taking his own pleasure from Cas’s body. 

Sometimes, like tonight, Dean’s eyes would flutter open and he’d look so intently down at Castiel that Cas’s heart would pound wildly in his chest. Sometimes, like tonight, Dean would reach out for Cas’s hand and rest in against his heart as he steadily rocked down on Cas’s cock. Sometimes, like tonight, he’d whisper over and over the same three words. 

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

And sometimes, like tonight Castiel would feel a few stray tears roll down his own temples, not able to hold them back—not wanting to hold them back. 

Suddenly Dean’s lips where on him again and Castiel was rolling them over with Dean’s legs wrapped high around his waist. In no time Cas was thrusting steadily into the man beneath him and reaching between them to stroke his husband’s length. Now there was confidence and fluidity in their movements that hadn’t been there at the start. Now Castiel knew the right way to grip Dean’s cock to make him see stars and the right speed to make Dean’s breaths come out sharp and quick. It wasn’t long before his husband was shuddering through his release and Cas was thrusting erratically to follow. 

When he came down, he was trembling, his muscles still spasming from his orgasm. He hid his face in Dean’s neck as the other man trailed his hands over Cas’s bare skin leaving goose bumps up and down his body. He only allowed the comfort a few moments before he extracted himself from Dean’s arms and headed to the bathroom. He wiped himself down quickly before bringing a washcloth to their room and wiping Dean’s chest and between his legs. Not really have much energy than that, he threw the cloth in the general direction of their bathroom and settled down in bed, pulling Dean into a little spoon. 

Dean’s breathing evened out in a matter of seconds and left Cas smiling a bit proudly from the fact that he’d been able to knock his man out from such good sex. Usually he was the one being tenderly tucked into bed after his body had been reduced to jello. He loved the nights he got to take care of Dean for a change though. Still smiling, he wrapped his arms tighter around his husband and pressed firm kisses to his neck and shoulders before settling in to the pillows and drifting off to sleep. 

It felt like only a few hours they’d slept when his phone was suddenly blaring on the nightstand. Blindly he reached out, not even bothering to check the caller. 

“Hello?” 

“Mr. Winchester?” 

He pulled the phone from his ear and turned down the volume a few clicks before responding to the voice. “Speaking.” 

“Castiel it’s Hannah.” Castiel sat upright in bed making Dean grunt in protest. Why was Hannah from the adoption agency calling him at seven in the morning? He was so caught up in his mind that he almost missed the words she was saying. 

“Last night a baby boy was surrendered to a local fire station. He was brought to the hospital and all tests have shown him to be completely healthy. The hospital contacted us right away and placed him in our care. Castiel, you and Dean are the first on our list and I understand that this is such short notice but if you want him, he’s all yours.” 

“Ours?” Cas asked breathless. This couldn’t be real. “That’s it? We just have to say yes.” 

“That’s it. We do need him placed immediately, so we need your answer quickly or else we have to ask the next family on our list.” 

Cas felt like he couldn’t breath. He started shaking his husband awake. 

“Dean, Dean, wake up!” Dean’s eyes flung open, looking around wildly for the cause of his frantic wake up. 

“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” 

“There’s a baby.” 

“What?” Dean asks, shaking his head like he still wasn’t awake. 

“It’s Hannah. She said there’s a baby. A boy. He’s ours if we want him.” 

“What?” Dean surged up and pulled the phone from Cas’s hands, immediately asking Hannah a million questions a minute. Castiel was almost in tears. Was this really happening? Or was this just a cruel, cruel dream he’d wake up from? 

When Dean’s eyes locked on his, shining with pure hope, Castiel knew that this was it. He nodded his head furiously to the question in Dean’s eyes. 

“Yes. We want him. Yes.” 

He couldn’t hear what Hannah was saying on the phone, just heard Dean repeating words and then saying goodbye. 

His whole body was shaking with adrenaline. They were getting a baby? This was actually happening for them? The look of sheer astonishment on Dean’s face had Castiel falling against him in a fit of watery laughter. 

“Is this really happening?” He asked into Dean’s chest. Dean’s arms encircled him tighter. 

His lips were pressed against Cas’s temple as he spoke. “It’s happening. Cas. We’re getting a baby.” 

“I didn’t think—I didn’t think this would happen.” 

Suddenly Cas’s face was caught between two large palms. Dean’s eyes were shining impossibly green. “I love you so much.” He whispered before surging forward to kiss Cas breathless. 

Too eager to meet their son, they pulled back from their kiss laughing before leaping out of bed. They scrambled around the house, showering, dressing, and getting together any and all things they’d need to bring their son home. 

Castiel dialed Mary first and put her on speaker to tell her the news. Her tears of joy were evident over the phone as she promised to come over immediately to help straighten up the house before they brought the baby home. Cas’s dad was their next call, the man equally as emotional about the new arrival, they could hear over the phone as Mary ran into his house and told him to get ready to head to theirs. 

They were running out of time as they called Bobby, Sam, and Gabe so their two brothers had to be on speaker phone for the announcement—it left Dean and Cas in a fit of laughter when the two men argued over who’d be the favorite uncle. 

As Dean took the car seat out to the car, Cas finally ventured into the nursery. They’d kept most of the things they’d purchased in preparation for the baby girl they never got but now more than ever Castiel was glad they hadn’t gotten rid of any of it. Most of the clothes were geared towards girls but Cas was able to quickly pull out a few gender-neutral options from the boxes he’d pack them away in. He found a few clean blankets in one of the drawers and a couple little hats too that he packed away tenderly into the bag. 

He looked around the nursery with a quivering lip, silently thanking Dean for being insistent little shit he was so that the room be decorated in a neutral theme instead of with pinks and purples like Castiel had originally intended. 

They were going to have a boy. A baby boy was going to be here with them. 

“You ready?” He heard from the doorway. Castiel turned over his shoulder and looked at the man standing there. This was really happening. 

He pulled himself off the floor and made his way to the crib. He reached down into it and pulled out one of the stuffed animals that they’d set up for decoration… it was a little green dragon that Castiel had held onto ever since he was six years old when the sweetest little boy had handed it to him as an apology. That same night that same little boy had held him so tight and protected him from a big scary storm. 

Now he was going to have a family with that same boy. 

He turned to Dean with big crocodile tears falling from his eyes. “Lets go get our son.”

* * *

That night, Jackson Samuel Winchester, or Jack as they liked to call him, came home.


End file.
